About me

Like others in the world, I got off to a somewhat tragic and brutal start in life.

Importantly, I’m building a more adult perspective and moving away from a child’s view, a victim’s view of what happened.

I’m not denying that it happened or saying it happened exactly as I remember it but in thinking about it, I am, as they say, reframing it as an initiatory experience.

What happened has done something to me to make me understand punishment, submission, vengeance, confusion, intense anger…

It wasn’t all bad, and I’m glad to have fonder memories—many with my brother. Time spent playing, laughing, & arguing. Truces were eagerly made less our falling-out impeded our playtime.

My remembering is tinged with grief and a longing to return to the bliss and wonder of my younger years. Childhood can be one hell of a thing to let go of…

I went on to test myself & find my place in the world. I learnt about taking risks, about success & failure.

Being sentenced in a magistrates court aged fifteen was both bewildering & sobering.

Getting my first job abroad aged nineteen was exhilarating, and it seemed there was no stopping me!

My dad’s death, the failure of my marriage & my stepson’s suicide taught me about broken-heartedness and brought me to my knees.

Having a child who self-harms and self-mutilates has made me understand something about humility, helplessness, trusting and who knows what else…

Painstakingly at times, I learnt about what it takes to love & grieve & the loneliness I felt when I didn’t.

I continue to learn about what I have to offer & what people around me need.

Currently, I’m responding to a call to bring fathering, leadership, and mentoring in service to my community.

I have my fair share of regrets, the pile is not as big as I had once imagined, and looking from the top it’s a very human place to look back on my life from.

Some habits are hard to let go of, and I try to avoid adding to my regrets by making the same mistakes.

Changing my ways for the better has been a lot easier with the help of others. I still find it hard to lean on others for support, but I’m getting better.

‘…And the golden bees were making white combs and honey from my old failures.’ An excerpt from the poet Antonio Machado.