Decoding Emotions: From Confusion to Clarity
Read time – 5 minutes
Practical Tips for Enhancing Emotional Intelligence
The Challenge: Answering “How Are You Doing?”
There was a time, when I could be stumped by the simple question of “How are you doing?”. In my neck of the woods (England) this is used often as a way to say hello along with “You alright?” or “You good?”; I spent some time in New Zealand and there is was “Howzit goin’?”
As a young man I struggled to answer to the question honestly. I didn’t have a clue how I was really doing or what emotions I was experiencing in that moment. My responses were always generic, like “I’m good” or “I’m alright.” But deep down, something didn’t feel quite right.
As I delved deeper, I realised I was puzzled by my own emotions – understanding them was like navigating a maze.
The Nature of Emotions
Feelings are a bit like bubbles. They originate from deep down and rise towards to the surface, and if all goes well the bubbles break the surface and the particular pattern they make and the intensity and density of their surfacing let us know just how we are feeling.
Problems arise when, the bubbles don’t rise and get stuck, it can lead to all sorts of psychological and emotional challenges, from feeling uneasy to more serious issues like depression, panic attacks, addiction and worse.
The Importance of Understanding Emotions
Being able to understand and articulate our emotions isn’t just about giving a quick response to a greeting. It’s about living authentically, forming meaningful connections, and navigating life’s ups and downs with clarity. Without this self-awareness, it’s like trying to navigate without a compass – you’re bound to get lost along the way.
Common Missteps in Emotional Awareness
You could try ignoring your emotions and in the hope they will disappear. Spoiler alert: they don’t. They stick around, bubbling beneath the surface until they inevitably explode (sometime months, years or decades later) bursting through to the surface unexpectedly or with little warning. This may lead to compulsive or explosive behaviours with varying degrees of consequence.
You could also try to magic those ‘bad’ feelings away by just being happy all the time (this seems to be a lot more convenient for other people!). This is just another diversion tactic and has similar consequences to being in denial.
The Ideal Emotional Education
If we had the perfect parents we wouldn’t be in this dilemma. They would have taught us early on to identify and make sense of our feelings and indeed welcome the full range of feelings we were having. But who gets to be on the receiving end of perfect parenting?
Practical Approaches to Enhancing Self-Awareness
Rather than ignore, deny, or try to cover up your emotions, here are some practical steps you can include in your daily practice to raise or maintain your emotional self-awareness. Checking in with yourself is a simple yet powerful tool to understand your emotions better. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you get started:
Step-by-Step Guide to Checking In with Yourself
1. Find a Quiet Space:
Choose a comfortable, quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. This could be a corner of your home, a park, or even your car.
2. Set a Timer:
Set a timer for 2-5 minutes. This ensures that you dedicate a specific amount of time to this practice without feeling rushed.
3. Take Deep Breaths:
Start by taking a few deep breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and then exhale through your mouth. This helps to calm your mind and body.
4. Scan Your Body:
Close your eyes and mentally scan your body from head to toe. Notice any areas of tension, discomfort, or unusual sensations. Pay attention to these areas as they can provide clues about your emotions.
5. Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” Don’t judge or try to change your feelings. Simply acknowledge whatever comes up whether it’s stress, happiness, anxiety, or any other emotion.
6. Identify the Source:
Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, try to identify their source. Ask yourself questions like, “Why am I feeling this way?” or “What happened today that might have triggered this emotion?”
7. Express Your Emotions:
Find a way to express what you’re feeling. This could be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or even saying your feelings out loud to yourself. The key is to articulate your emotions clearly.
8. Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself. Recognise that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions, and give yourself permission to experience them without guilt or shame.
9. Reflect on Your Experience:
After the timer goes off, take a moment to reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself. Consider how you can use this insight to navigate your day or address any challenges you’re facing.
10. Repeat Regularly:
Make this check-in a regular part of your routine. The more consistently you practice, the better you’ll become at understanding and managing your emotions.
Beyond this daily check-in, you can enhance your self-awareness through meditation to reconnect with your inner world, or physical activities like a leisurely stroll, a good workout, or getting your hands dirty in the garden. These practices can help bridge the gap between your thoughts and emotions. It’s a small step, but it can have a profound impact on your self-awareness and mental health.
You may be lucky enough to have trusted friends or a special someone who can listen and help you make sense of what’s going on, how you’re feeling, or whether you’re alright. If you have such a person, count yourself fortunate; having a supportive ally by your side is invaluable. Sometimes, an outside perspective is exactly what you need to gain clarity and insight.
When Daily Practices Aren’t Enough
However, this practice isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution for your mental health issues. It might not work for you and you might find yourself zoning out or having uncomfortable feelings. If this is the case, it may be worthwhile getting specific support from someone who has specialist training and the aptitude to help you work through these challenges.